Life excuses no mistakes
by doctormoon
Summary: Hannibal, follows book. Hannibal and Clarice are building a palace, her memory palace. How far can Dr. Lecter go? Chapter 4 is up!
1. Chapter 1

**Life excuses no mistakes**

Disclaimer: I do not own any Characters of Hannibal by Mr. Harris

Follows book

M.

(My mother tongue is not English.)

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I sit again in the darkened room, there is only a small point in the corner, which illuminates a whitish light. It is not enough to see, it is not too less to fear the dark. I am under construction, or reorganisation. Maybe both.I know where I am, although it gives me nothing but carelessness. How so? Maybe of the drugs Hannibal injects me regularly and the alcohol, which I consume from appetizer to desert vine.Most of the time, I have the feeling that I float, I stay carefree beside my body. From time to time, it happens that I wish this ends.

_Clarice, you will wake up beautifully renew__ed. I am not very sure if you are really asleep, you never cease to surprise me. You offered me mockingly your breast, when I thought, I have you already under my command. We build your little memory palace and we work further on it, till it is expanded to a respectable size, where you will walk proudly through the corridors and halls for the purpose of musings._

We build my _memory palace_, he calls it, actually he builds it, and I have to watch. Is there another option? I don't know. He has the control, he is my master, but I like to puzzle him, like when I offered my breast, and he came to take my offer, no, my command, he sat like a good dog on my side on the bottom. I was his mistress while he enjoyed the taste of my nipple. He fulfilled his animalistic need. His teeth played and bit softly my flesh. Pleasure and pain washed me. Did he understood, that I wanted him submissive?

_She thinks about rebellion, she wants to challenge me, I give her the pleasure to control me, so she thinks. It is a nice game we play. She smiles a little. Hmmmm, she begins to enjoy her new abilities I gave her._

I flow. My soul flows. My soul wants to fly away to places I never saw. I am a Starling, I can fly like birds do, just have to spread my wings. That makes me happy and I smile. I can leave whenever I want. But where shall I fly? There is darkness around me.

_My little bird will learn what her new abilities are, she may feel surrounded by __darkness; she may feel that there is no way out. Clarice, you will know, that this is a border in your mind. This is illusion, your illusion. There is no darkness until you don't want it there. I will show you what you are capable of, how rich you are inside of your stubborn head._

I don't like the nothingness, I float to my little _memory cabin_, there is the room where I visited my dad. Hannibal says, that I shall take the worthy memories into my palace. My dad is in my small cabin. What is with the rest of my life? I am not ready to trash it into a bin. I use my new ability. I build another palace. A second palace. I don't tell Hannibal. This will be my little secret. I keep there my whole life and biography. It is a bad life, but it is all I have.

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M. 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

_I teach her how to cook, I love to cook, but I see, that the fun is one__-sided. We are in the kitchen, she cuts onions, she is not pleased. I pull her to me, she tries to open her eyes. I lick her tears, which slowly run her cheeks down, she tastes delicious; salty tears are mixed with the taste of her skin and face lotion. Every juice of her body must be delicious. We will move soon, I think to Buenos Aires. It is safe there, for me and for her, for us. Clarice, you and me, we belong together. Do you believe in destiny? _

Hannibal is eager to teach me everything; he is forming and educating me. We began to train speaking and reading without accent for a better cover of my identity, he gives me piano lessons and since yesterday how to cook a decent meal. His warm and wet tongue follows the moist path which some tears left on my face. He holds me in his arms, I love his body heat. I never had such an experience since my dad died. He was the last one who took me in his arms. I feel cared. His arms are so strong. I feel his erection pressed against my belly. He is turned on when I suffer, or because I hold a knife. I know he wants more, but he never forces me, not yet. Such a gentleman, he waits that I make the first move. I am not ready. I need my power for my little secret.

_We ate in silence, she avoids my conversation.__ Clarice, why can't you look to my face? She needs her next shot of drugs, she looks depressed and introspective. We will sleep separate, I give her space and allow her privacy. She is slow while building her palace. Why does she hesitate? What makes her take so much time to build a room after another? She has a small palace. She calls it 'my dirty, little country cabin'. Clarice, let me help you, but you have to let me inside your head for this, again. I sit on my piano and play for you the Goldberg Variations, which you like so much._

I am in my spacious bed and I am alone. I feel lonely and cold. The loneliness gives me the opportunity to build my second palace. I have build the basement and the first floor of the Hoover Building. It is an ugly thing, but I love it. The Lutheran home is build next to the left wing of the Hoover Building. I walk through Crawfords tidy office, open a second door, it is made of heavy oak and as a girl, I had to push it with all my strength, but now, all I need is my imagination and I enter my Lutheran home. Sister Mary is sitting on a bare wooden chair and reads the bible. Hannibal gave me drugs instead of a good night kiss, that helps me to relax and float, I am a floating engineer of my second palace. Now, I float back the way I came and I am in the basement where my office is, which I call the 'Cave of the Cannibal'. His files are with his many bloody evidence pictures of his crimes on my desk. My computer shows the ten most wanted and he is looking evilly towards me. When I leave my office, there is on the end of the corridor the little lambs and horses farm I lived for a short time. Hannah is waiting there for me. I am tired.

_I am in my bed and I am thinking. __Clarice needs another hypnosis session, though she said, she doesn't want these anymore. She blocked me out in our last encounter. She build up a wall I could not pass. Clarice, do not make me use violence to enter your mind. You need me, I need a place in her for my Mischa, and I insist. She told me, that I could gave her a place in me. I could, but I don't want. Mischa needs a place in a woman's body. Clarice, you and Mischa, you could be friends. She is very lovely. And she will be my accomplice. Mischa will tell me if something is wrong with Clarice. Clarice is like my little caterpillar, I nourish her, I teach her new ways to think, new dimensions to explore, but she is unpredictable. Only time will tell, what will emerge out of her mind. My naked erection is pressed against the smooth cotton blanket…Oh Clarice…_

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M. 


	3. Chapter 3

It is another day and another afternoon. Hannibal is out for shopping, he prepares our journey, our flight, our new life. I don't know how much time passed since the event, the unusual but very entertaining dinner with Paul. I think I will keep him. I invite him in my second palace, I want Mason Verger and his asexual sister Margot there too. Shall I build the Muskrat Farm, the foul smelling place with the pigs? We live in a leased house now, this place is beyond time, Hannibal said. Hannibal, if you knew…no really, you will never know me.

_The needed errands took longer then I calculated but at least__, I have got everything what we need to move to Argentina. We lived here exactly nine weeks and five days and she is still with me, for some seconds, I thought she left when I entered the house. It was very quite. My little caterpillar is sitting in the library and reads a book. She is beautiful, no, she is the beauty. Her body and her soul. I watch her, I memory her, I smell her, her eyes move slowly from her copy of Alighieri to me. I get erected again. I stay at the door admiring her from the distance. Clarice, you will make me proud between you legs._

He is back, I am relieved that he is back. I look to him, he desires me. I go to him and hug him, my head rests on his left shoulder. He holds my chin and looks in my eyes. His eyes show whirling red dots. They are asking. My lips are slightly parted. His lips touches very soft my lips. Mmmmh, this is our first kiss. He sucks my lower lip gently. His hands are on my back, drawing invisible circles. He moans. Oh Hannibal, do that again! Now my upper lip, I kiss him back. He tastes of the coffee, he drank before he left. Our tongues tips touch and play, Oh Hannibal, I let a moan out. He begins to posses my mouth. Yes, this is sooo him, to posses me, my mind and body. I break the kiss. No one can posses me.

_Clarice, do not tempt me, my patience has limits. You are testing me, so do I you. I learn to be a lover, to be in accompaniment, to be a "we". We are, what we want, what I want us to be. I want to eat you, but not now Clarice, let's go to the kitchen and prepare a dinner. I am hungry, Clarice, my appetite for you grows from day to day. To see you, to smell you and touch you makes me feel excited to highs I never knew they exist. I was with women intimately together. Yes, I fucked them, Clarice, but no women had any clue, who was with them. With you under my naked body will be a totally different joy. I show you what I am really able to, what you really deserve._

It is late in the night. I sit with Hannibal in the dining hall on a couch. He holds me, my head rests on his chest, we are watching into the fireplace. He said, that he doesn't think psychology is a science. Psychology is like searching for a black cat in a dark room. Analytic psychology is like searching for a black cat in a dark room, where no black cat is, but find one. Behaviourism is to believe, someone could not find a black cat in a dark room. Hannibal, am I your black cat? Do I challenge you?

_The fire makes your auburn hair glow. You are relaxed because I hold you. My arms are around your waist, your arms are free. See, I don't posses you, I hold you. That is our relationship. For now. You will learn to enjoy to let go of your control. Exuberance will do you good. Clarice, tonight could be our first, but I will wait. You want to be alone in the night. You don't want to share your thoughts __and fears with me. But I already know Clarice, do not underestimate me. I am ready to capture you. _

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Psycho definitions are not mine, I read them once somewhere…

M.


	4. Chapter 4

chapter 4

I am in the small garden for a short walk, it is a cold afternoon and my breath is steamy. It is fall. I like to be alone sometimes, but we are disconnected from the world, I could not handle this, I got nearly tantrums, Hannibal bought a television, I watched the news. Hannibal is watching me from the kitchen window. He looks very attentive, so I think he knows already that I hide from him something in my mind. His arm is moving with power up and down with a bloody axe in his right hand, he chops a big piece of meat, would he easily chop me, if I do not let me control by him?

_My dearest look__s like a cat, who has spilled a cup of milk. Oh dearest, guilt is not suiting you well. We watched in the television the never ending news about my whereabouts, my crimes and Special Agent Starlings missing. Journalists are really creative storyteller. One said, it was possible that I had already ate her, after I captured, fucked and chopped her. Me chopping Clarice? Is she scared of the news?_

My hands are cold and I tremble, I walk slowly back to the house. The meal smells delicious, my stomach is rumbling and I am glad, that Hannibal is a gourmet cook. I remember Ardelias tired face, while she was interviewed by a journalist. She cried and begged into the camera, if Hannibal Lecter had captured me, not to harm me and let me go. She is suffering terribly, and I am sorry for that. Hannibal stopped injecting me drugs and I am glad to get rid of these hypnosis sessions. He knows that I am not what he wants me to be.

_Clarice was a little surprised when I told her, that we will share a little conversation before dinner. She can not avoid me forever. After she changed her clothes and met me in the dinner hall, I led her into a dark room, she o__beyed without any sign of defence. I hold her arm and injected quickly a small dose of drugs, she barely noticed it. It is time for unveiling the secret in her mind, there will be no need in the future to build a wall of secrets and mistrusts between us. _

Oh, Hannibal, I knew, you will not give up. I wear my red sleeveless dress and you have injected me again some drugs, I hardly noticed any twitch but I know already how your arm is moving, while injecting me drugs. I learn your body language. I am feeling light and not steady, a strong arm guides me to a sofa. I want to float again.

_Clarice,__ look to the white little point! Sleep now! You will wake up with a big appetite for life and love. _

I float, I see how Hannibal joins me in the higher realms. We meet there, dance together, melt into one, and be happy. But I am not that blind Hannibal. You think I will be distracted with this show? You forgot what you have taught me?! I am scared that he will be able to dive into my head very deeply, so I will play along and see what he wants me to be.

_I meet Clarice in her small Cabin and she has a big shiny hall there, __the piano plays itself music, I dance with her, she definitely needs more fun in her life. I look around, her cabin has not changed much: Her dad is in the kitchen and waiting for Clarice. The library we build together has grown now, numerous novels of the worlds famous classics are in the shelves and some she has not finished to read, are laying openly on some tables. _

The dance ended. He turns away and walks out. I follow him. There is suddenly another big room. It is new, very stylish, Victorian dark furniture, chairs, table, boards and couch are arranged and heavy velvet green curtains are hanging on the window. Then I see, why is Hannibal in my head again: A beautiful little girl is sitting on the Persian carpet and is playing with her dolls. Her eyes meet mine and they are exactly the same as Hannibals. They look mature and very intelligent. She is his sister Mischa!

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Lunarbloodlust17, I would like to send you a private mail, alas you reviewed anon., thank you for your review!!!

M.


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